Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
