I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Randomize
