about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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