Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
