you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
