I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
