So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
