Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
