Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
