Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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