worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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