I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
