I looked at my own cervix.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
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