how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
