apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
That's how pantless uber rides happen
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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