Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
