So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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