I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
