im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
