I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
