you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
