They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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