This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
