I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
