allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
