She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
