This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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