hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
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i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
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im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.