Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
