I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
