i don't like sucking hair
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
