so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)