a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
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Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
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He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!