You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.