no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
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I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything