He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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