ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
