all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
