My brain says no but my pants say off.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
