youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
