FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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