The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
