Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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