Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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