So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
