Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
