that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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