Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
