just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
