I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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