Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My life is pants optional.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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