I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
