My sheets look like a crime scene.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
