If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
