Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
