First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
