My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
