Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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