omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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