Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
