ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
