Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
