so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
