My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
