I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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