i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
