Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
