it's too hot outside to masturbate.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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