thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
