Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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