Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
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So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
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I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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