i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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