My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Randomize
