Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
