And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
