he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
