i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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