Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
