Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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