I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
