I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
