dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
