Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
