ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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