I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
