I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
