I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
