i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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