This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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