i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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