yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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