I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
