Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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