there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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