Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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