I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
lets start a swedish sibling band together
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
