she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
